garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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