so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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