I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
