If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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