i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Success! We fucked roommates!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
