Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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