you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
why do cheetos always look like penises
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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