I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I touched a dick in church today
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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