someone threw a dead crab at me
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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