im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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