1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
