Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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