She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Randomize
