Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
