check it out our google latitudes are spooning
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm always down for nudity.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
