Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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