well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
