a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
