I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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