My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
