god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
