watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
