a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
