I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
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