i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Someone came in the potted fern
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
