who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
