I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
