After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
