i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
