The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
