he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
