Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
