i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
