my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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