You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
