hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
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