You don't have asthma, your pregnant
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
COCAINE IS GR8
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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