the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
