Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
