How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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