If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
