soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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