i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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