I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
