Three words: puerto rican gang bang
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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