JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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