Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
