This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
