I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
