Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
