Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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