He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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