grandma shit on top of the toilet
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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