I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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