FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
