dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
