pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
he fucked my hip out of place.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
