I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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