I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
