Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Randomize
