Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
