Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Sober January is a disaster.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
