I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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