I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
