I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
