Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Help me help you realize you are a moron
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
