I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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