$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
