Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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