my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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