i permit you to call me
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
