I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You are the jesus of drinking
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
