He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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