friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
